100 Bestseller Titles – Part 1

This is the 50th post on this blog (I know! I am being reminded of time’s capability to fly in more than one way lately!) and I really want to give you – my faithful readers – a REALLY good read (if not the laugh that I really intend!).

In recent times, we have witnessed an influx of this peculiar kind of bestsellers in India. I mean, once you read its title and you are left wondering, how in the good lord’s name, did these books manage to get on to the best seller lists?! The world must really be nearing its end sometime soon, for none of this makes much sense anyway!

I like to monetise on a good idea. OK, so maybe no monetisation will find fruition here on this blog, considering the fact that my readers don’t pay me much more than their constant support by reading and appreciating what I write (which I appreciate very much. Obviously, isn’t that what this whole post is about!). Either way, one mellow night, I thought up a few of these titles and now, I decided, would be a good time to explain ten of them.

1)      How to Become ‘World Famous’ in India!

Somehow, Indians seem to have a penchant for ‘World Famous’ goods; never mind the fact that the ‘world famous’ is followed by the slight confessional disclaimer that it limits itself to the geographical area of India. So, if anyone is looking to be the next ‘world famous’ bestseller in India, look no further, you have your title right here!

2)      Chooth: An Autobiography

I recently watched a video where someone takes out a shabdkosh (aka. A hindi dictionary) and explains to his viewers that a chooth is essentially just a moorkh (idiot/fool) and not exactly what people otherwise think it suggests. But this title should ideally be dedicated to one such ‘chooth’ who gives a 20 minutes lecture on the Roman Empire when he gets drunk! 😉

3)      I Broke Up with My Girlfriend… To Write This Book!

Yes. Since people have all kinds of funny titles describing relationships, I thought it only proper for that poor soul who felt the extreme need to forego his relationship so as to undergo the trauma associated with it and write a story on that! So, if you are that poor soul, here’s the good news ~ I have laid down the ground work for you by coming up with the title to your book. Now go on, write that bestseller of a story!

4)      Honey, I Flushed the Kids

Once upon a time, I knew a boy who honestly believed that babies come out of the anus (If you are LOL/ROFL-ing, I can totally empathise!). My friends let him believe that for a while before enlightening him about childbirth. Honestly though, the only mental image it left me with was that of a pregnant woman with constipation and the next thing she knows she has accidentally flushed down her kid! And I think, someone might just have gotten inspired by that idea!

5)      Democracy, Meritocracy and other hypocrisies!

I have always believed that we are all hypocrites, and that, I for one only add to the numbers! So, you believe in a Democracy? Oh, Meritocracy? What do they all add up to? Are you telling me that if you were given the power in any of these forms of government, you would act any less self-serving? Wait, if you would really like to explicate this to me, write a book about it under this title and I promise you, I’ll buy a copy!

6)      Tihar Jail; On Hosting Them Like Gods

In recent times, all the high-profile VIPs seem to have lodged in this hallowed place. From Kanimozhi, A. Raja, Manu Sharma and Vinod Goenka; they all have first-hand experience of the 5-star treatment this jail metes out. Soon, it might just turn into a tourist spot, where the warders double up as stewards and help you figure out exactly how they employ the concept of ‘Athithi Devo Bhavaha’ in order to turn this prison into such a hit amongst the who’s who of politics and business! Feel free to write a book (A coffee-table book, perhaps) on this topic and borrow the title I have suggested above, to turn it into an instant hit among the bestseller-buying-Indian-population!

7)      Is It Still Love?… After I have already written about it Twice?

No offence to a certain writer who writes about him falling in love multiple times (in separate books) in such repulsive standard of English that, I had to put down that book lest I have to start editing an entire book in order to get to the end of the story! But hey! If the whole world can write their way to the bestseller lists by talking about their 1st, 2nd, 3rd … love story. Yes, You can!

8)      Suicide: How to Get it Right, your very first time!

The first time I read about S.309 of the Indian Penal Code, I felt my heart go out to all those poor souls who would be guilty of ‘Attempt to commit suicide’ and failed to actually get the deed done. I mean, come on! That teenager who lost out his place in IIT was depressed enough to take his life and you feel absolutely no compunctions of conscience when you pronounce him guilty of an offence? How is that value-adding to his life in any logical way? So, I decided that the top priority on my list of prayers has to be that those who attempt suicide might as well get it right in their very first attempt! But I do not have any practical advice, seeing as it is that, I am neither a medical practitioner nor someone with any experiential knowledge in that field. Are you either one of those? What are you waiting for?

9)      Yes, I am an Indian Woman… No, I Have Not Been Raped Yet!

Well. This one… Crude, you might call it. But here’s the deal ~ I feel quite sickened by the memory of the time a friend of mine was visiting India and wanted all her friends to pray for her safety (like, she was infiltrating a Mexican Drug Cartel and was worried that she would be compromised!). Honestly! I know India has gained importance in world news as a nation full of rapists, who lurk around dark alleyways, waiting for you to walk out after dark so they can rape you, but I like to hear more positive notes from women in India. Write, good women, write!

10)   100 Useless Things You MUST Teach Your Kids!

I don’t really know what is useful and useless in life. Twenty-two years on, I am still doing things I am not really sure are ‘useful’. But then again, who defines what is ‘useful’, what is ‘useless’, and in what context? So, if you think you can think of 100 things to teach the tiny-tots; fire away! I might consider buying a copy when I am raising mine, OR I might just let them discover how to do it themselves!

So, those were the first ten of the 100 I plan to share with my readers. The next update might just come along a few blog-posts down the road. Till then, thank you for visiting this blog.

[Yes, I am now officially one of them loonies who talk to their readers on their blog!]

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