Is This What PMS Is All About?

It starts when you see that the caller-ID on your phone shows a picture of your little brother and the only emotion it elicits is irritation. Then there was the lady beside you, lamenting – no, weeping – about having a boyfriend who has left her more dependent and in need of care than she was before, but refuses to provide her either of those comforts. Add in a competition (that you had only just waited for an entire year) for which, you would now have no other option, but to submit a mediocre piece for!


Now, the brother decides to worry you about him by asking a list of questions about life, the universe and everything. You know this is him being nervous and unsure about his future, you try to be patient and thankfully he knows you enough, to know that you are joking when you answer his question on why humans are born with a simple ‘to die’. However, you know you do not have a convincing reply to the questions he has asked. You also know that what he really wants to know is that he is not going to fail too badly in his plans for the future; that he is not going to be one among the millions of nobodies that populate this world. Yet, you find yourself in a hapless situation and this frustrates you beyond a limit you can comprehend yourself. However, you vent that mass of annoyance by calling up your mother the next day and trying to blame her and your father for your brother’s sense of hopelessness.


You try to be more careful with the lady and her relationship. You try to advice this person. Still, something within you is begging you to tell her off and reminding you that you don’t have to put up with this right now. I mean, you have bigger fishes to fry and, wasn’t this her fish to begin with? Even then, you muster enough propriety in your being to be the nice, supportive person who listens to people’s problems and advises them accordingly. At some point you ask yourself, ‘Is this how people writing columns for Agony Aunt sections in magazines feel like?’ but then you remind yourself that they are paid to do this!


There is still that story to work on, but now all you want to do is stab someone in the chest so, you put aside all works on your final draft till early next morning. You know it is a bad idea, but the sleep that is waiting to seep into your eyes is a pretty good advocate for its own cause and convinces you that, you can still manage to wake up the next morning in time to finish it up on time.


The thing with the promises you make yourself before you fall asleep is that, they get lost somewhere between all your dreams. So you wake up late and rush to catch your cab. There is an additional person on the cab this day. You greet him and tell him your name. He responds with a civilized and courteous “Oh f$@#! I mean,… hi.” If you are affronted, you manage to hide it by stating your full name. And so, you decide to make someone else’s day better and help them avoid a name from their painful past, by letting them refer to you for the next hour or so by a name that is a constant reminder of a loss; a loss that has been haunting you for a while now. At this point you ask yourself, ‘Why all this civility? Why did you not respond to his first reaction with an equally polite, “None of my f$@#-ing problem!”?’


You get to work only to inadvertently find yourself somewhere right in the middle of a large web of office politics. It is only when you are already knee-deep into your assignment that you realize that the department you are helping out is actually not a united team, but two divisions of something akin to the armed forces of two rival nations. You are given a task and you find yourself striving to do it to the satisfaction of both parties. And all this transpires, as they are struggling to organise a workshop for 70 people at a 5-star Hotel. At least, you for one are almost confident that the event is going to be an utter disaster, and it could do with the help of all the National Security Guards that the nation can spare in order to at least stay afloat!


On your way back from work, you do not find a place to sit. You stand there wishing your friend could still be writing to you each day to ask you about your day and not undergoing radiotherapy. You worry about her too, but when you think of it for too long, you feel a helplessness that almost competes with your worry for your brother; maybe even more!


As you head to your place, you suddenly realize how truly alone you are on this planet. All those promises to be there through thick and thin somehow falls short when exams, deadlines and work come in the way. You want to sit down on the middle of the most disgustingly dirty and stenchy road you have ever set foot on and simply weep, because you feel lonely. You wish you had a boyfriend to call up and talk to; some poor soul who would feel obligated to listen to all your problems and just assure you that everything is going to be alright.


But you do not have one. And you are on your own. And as you continue walking in this same dejected fashion (because you are confident that no one who thinks you are ‘a brave and independent 20-something’ is on this road to spot you!), your phone buzzes with a ‘Hey’. You are in no mood to make small talk, so you reply with an ‘ Hmm’, but when there is a reply to that, it is all you can do to type in a ‘ttyl’ and continue worrying about your life.


Then, one moment you are still feeling disconsolate and the next there is this fire within you that has been ignited. You feel armed to fight your battles in your life AND win! You are now looking for potential targets to fire at. Your previous experience tells you that this is the best time to get those ‘I am not going to take any BS from you’ kind of talks over and done with. So you make those calls, you talk to those people and somehow they seem to know that you are not to be argued with. They just comply. And what’s more, you feel like you deserved and expected nothing less.


You are still filled with ire strong enough to want to kill somebody. So you decide to introduce a completely new character into your story’s plot and kill him. And you kill him even before the story’s flashback starts. You are not completely satisfied with the end product, but you are still happy enough to send it in.


It is only early next morning that you realize the culprit for this whirlwind of emotional change that you were being subjected to, the previous night. Aunt flow has come knocking on your doors or the crimson tide has risen. Use whichever euphemism you prefer, but it is a pain in the unmentionable parts and you swear at the whole male population as you go through the pains of being a woman. The last thing you want to hear are phrases like ‘it is the price you pay for motherhood’ (Ha-ha! Whatever made them think you were looking forward to housing a parasite within you and go through the pain that is roughly equal to having 23 of your bones break concurrently) or, ‘have a happy period’ (The thought of writing to whisper and advising them to introduce a full stop after the happy has occurred to you a couple of times; that incorrect sentence is more bearable than being pep-talked) and more recently, someone had been sweet enough to put up with your list of things that were not working out fine with your life and made the mistake of telling you ‘enjoy the good things’ (This only brings out your residual anger from 3 days ago!). In hindsight, these statements were said to you because they cared about you (or, in the case of whisper – your wallet) enough to brighten your spirit.


Ultimately, the only thing that brings you out of your hopeless situation is a conversation with a friend about Christmas and all the good food you plan to ingest this festive season. Well, may God bless this Christmas and may this Christmas make up for all that PMS you underwent this year. May the smell of cinnamon and sugar have the same magic over you, as it does, over the author of this post!


7 Responses to “Is This What PMS Is All About?”
  1. gopan says:

    You are so near the discovery, the solution for the life threatening condition (threat to everyone around). Next time just talk about food to your best friend without the mention of Christmas and if its making things better you have it in your hand! the solution for the issue… Food!

    • annajohn says:

      If it were so easy, it would not be something women around the globe go through. Although, I admit that dark chocolate has a mildly calming effect on me!

      • gopan says:

        haha, see the solution is coming up slowly, i expect you to mention my name on the Nobel prize ceremony 😛

        The dark chocolate surely has effects, i am not explaining it here since its out of the topic

      • annajohn says:

        Now am curious. Pray tell the effects of dark chocolate (other than the pheromones they are supposed to contain)?

  2. gopan says:

    i have heard confessions of the better sex about the effect of dark chocolate on them, they claim that it is enough to take them to a world of happiness, in layman’s world a ‘turn-on’ with results

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